TITLE: Someone New
AUTHOR: ~~~Joey~~~
EMAIL: joey.hargrove@wanadoo.fr
FEEDBACK: “Are you listening? I need feedback, people!”
ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: My site Buffy & Angel Rock, otherwise ask.
SUMMARY: Angel dealing with Connor’s death, a late package, a beautiful song.
SPOILERS: Sixth season of Buffy and third season of Angel.
RATING: PG – 13, like the show.
DISCLAIMER: Joss is everything, owns everything and if I had just one thing to say… “I want to thank you, show my gratitude, my love and my respect for you. And I never could have come this far without you… for everything you've done, I'm bound to thank you for it.”
NOTE: The song is “Someone New” by Eskobar and you can download it here.

Angel was alone in his room when someone knocked. He slowly looked at the door, staying silent, lost in his thoughts. He had been alone a lot for the last couple of days, even though Cordelia tried to spend some time with him. But he wanted to be alone, and they respected that. He was peaceful now ; they had no reason to worry he'd go crazy and start killing. He was mourning silently, dealing with his grief on his own, as he had always done. Cordelia understood that better now than she would have had a few of years ago, so even she had left him mostly alone. She checked from time to time, making sure he wasn’t “trying to reduce himself in a little pile of dust” but that was all.

The fights were the only moments where it felt like nothing had changed. But as soon as the rush of the battle was over, as soon as all the enemies were down, the grief was back, usually fiercer than before the battle. The fight was over, and not long ago it would have meant coming back to the Hyperion, laughing, and then telling Connor all about the battle while the baby stared and cooed at him. Or perhaps, just watching Connor sleep, something that had filled Angel with peace. But that was over. Connor was gone and each time they fought, it reminded him of the fact.

“Yes?” He said towards the closed door. Cordelia was probably bringing him some warm blood, or Gunn had some demon to tell him about.

It bothered him a little, that knock. He was deep in thought when it had sounded, disturbing him, and really needed his alone time right now. But he also knew he would one day be grateful that his friends had kept knocking, kept including him in their livesand kept him from totally sinking into a sea of despair.

The door opened softly and the brunette’s head appeared.

“Hi Angel,” Fred said in a very soft voice. “I’m not bothering you, am I?”

Fred was adorable. She was so smart and so sweet, and she was so cautious… Her voice was always in a little rush though, like she was worried that she wouldn’t have enough time to say everything she had to say. Or actually, maybe that was exactly what she feared right then. Angel was so delicate to be around at that moment…

“No, don’t worry. Come on in,” Angel tried to smile, but his attempt mostly failed. He didn’t sound harsh though, and that was the most important thing.

Fred entered the room and closed the door behind her. Her long brown hair fell to her shoulders in beautiful waves and behind her glasses her eyes glittered. No wonder Gunn and Wesley… Angel stopped short. He couldn’t even bear to think his name. It hurt, it made him angry, he knew the best thing to do was just not think about it. He focused again on Fred, and noticed she was carrying something, but couldn’t quite see what it was.

“Do you have five minutes?” she asked, then shook her head a little. “I’m stupid. Of course you have time. Don’t you?”

“I do. What’s up? Did Cordelia have a vision?”

“Oh, no, she’s okay. Actually she’s gone shopping this afternoon. Can I show you something?”

“Go ahead.” A tape. What she was carrying was a tape.

He had gotten up and she walked to him, handed him the tape.

“I-I don’t know if you’re going to like it, because it’s modern, but I heard it in a store and, I just thought you might like the sound of it. It’s not anything like a secret message from me or anything, it’s just… well, you should listen to it. I guess what I’m saying is going to be clearer once you do,” she smiled slightly.

“Am I supposed to listen to it right now?” Angel asked as he took the small tape and looked at it, bewildered.

“Oh, no, no. Listen to it when you’re alone and you can really listen to it. I’m just going to disturb you if I’m here.”

Angel frowned but said nothing. He was barely curious, more surprised. It was the first time ever someone presented him with a song like this. The gang had bought him a hi-fi a while ago, but he just had a couple of classical music CDs, among which one he didn’t want to listen to anymore because Wesley had bought it for him.

“I’m going back downstairs,” Fred said softly. “Gunn and I are leaving in an hour. If you need anything before… just come and see us, okay? I like it when you’re down there with us.”

Angel looked up at her and smiled. “Thanks for the tape.” She nodded, smiled back and started to go for the door. For a second he hesitated, wanting to tell her to wait, ask her to stay and listen to the tape with hime, but he let it go. He was better at doing things alone anyway.

Once Fred had slipped out of the room, he looked at the tape again, and then went to his stereo, put it in and pressed play.

***********

For the first time of his life (or unlife), he entered a post office, pleased to find only one other customer. He didn’t feel right doing this human stuff. He was a vampire. He wasn’t human. He wouldn’t be before long time, if ever, and somehow, acting human reminded him of Connor. And that was never a good thing.

His heart wrenched at the thought of his little lost son, and he tried to focus on where he was to make the sorrow go away. It was still strange to think that the song had made him think of her - he couldn't exactly explain it himself. The flow of memories, probably, the pain he had felt had surfaced other griefs, more ancient. Sometimes it was better not to understand because that would have just meant more pain. He quickly walked to the counter behind which a small Asian man waited, and put what he had brought on the counter.

“I would like to send this to Sunnydale.”

This gesture was of a great significance to him, but the postman didn’t seem concerned. He looked at the tape and the note attached to it with a blank look, and looked up at Angel.

“Is that in California, sir?”

“Yes.” It had seemed obvious to him, of course.

The man grabbed a sheet of paper from under the counter and gave it to Angel. “Please fill this entirely. It’s going to cost you four dollars thirty five cents.” Then he stood up and disappeared into a back room.

With great care, Angel filled out the form. It was still extremely strange for him to do this, to write down her address and his just above. When he was finished, the man was back with a small box and put the tape in it, closing the package and then sticking the paper Angel had just filled out on it. Angel watched him do so with an inexplicable fascination, so much that the postman finally spoke up again.

“It’s four dollars thirty five cents, sir.”

Angel blinked, paid the man, and watched him take his package away with a pang.

*********
*
*********

“Buffy, there’s a package for you,” Dawn said loudly, in case her sister was around. Which she was probably, since she hadn’t been leaving the house much for a while.

Dawn liked this. She liked how her sister was finally there for her, she liked how the two of them could spend some quality time together. Everything wasn’t perfect, of course, Tara was still dead and she still cried about it, Willow was still away in England, Spike was still gone and Xander still had yet to make up with Anya, but the only fact that she *really* had her sister back was enough for Dawn, for now.

She looked around to see if her sister was coming, and focused again on the package when she heard nothing coming from upstairs. Who would send Buffy something? It wasn’t even her birthday. Dawn’s own birthday was a lot closer, so it couldn’t possibly be their dad, could it? Dying of curiosity, the teen detached the paper the postman had stuck on it.

She couldn’t believe it when she read the expeditor’s name. Angel. Angel was sending Buffy something!

“Buffy!!! You really want to check this out!!!” Dawn yelled.

Personally, she didn’t think much of Angel. She'd always thought the guys made Buffy cry way too much, but Angel was still Angel, and she knew perfectly how important he was to Buffy. Plus, as much as she would like for Buffy and Spike to get together, she was realistic about the whole thing. It wasn't going to happen, certainly not now, and well, Angel was special. He had always been. And no matter what she thought about the guy, this package could only liven their day up.

Buffy finally joined her in the kitchen, her hair uncombed and a questioning look on her face when she saw the package.

“What is it, Dawn? Hey, what’s that? You got a package?”

“Nah, it’s yours,” Dawn said, really enjoying being the one to know who it was from. “It came in today, the postman said it got lost and he gave me this letter with something about how you can get your posting fee back or something. You’re totally gonna freak about this,” Dawn grinned as she first pointed at the letter she had detached.

Buffy frowned, her curiosity piqued, and walked to the package. Dawn didn’t stop looking at her, knowing that the look on her sister’s face would be worth money. And it was. At first, Buffy just frowned, then her face went completely slack and for a moment Dawn could have sworn her sister’s heart had stopped beating in shock.

“It’s from Angel,” Dawn said in case Buffy had forgotten how to read. “Gonna open it?”

“My god,” Buffy whispered.

“What do you think it is?? For how long has it been lost anyway?” Dawn was as hyperactive as Buffy was catatonic. Seeing that her sister wasn’t going to answer right away, she looked over her shoulder. “God, March! Talk about being lost…! So, are you gonna open it or just stare at it for days? It’s not gonna explode or anything, y’know.”

Buffy swallowed, keeping her eyes on the package, then she started to open it. She wasn't really aware of what she was doing, this whole thing was too strange. Since when did Angel send packages? Had something happened last March?

The small tape laid still in the package, and the note had slipped away from it.

“What is it? What’s on it?” Dawn kept asking. “What’s this tape all about? Is it romantic stuff or something?”

“I-I don’t think so,” Buffy managed to say. She would have told Dawn to leave her alone, but she was too disoriented.

“Come on, I’m gonna play it. You don’t mind, do you? I’ll leave if it’s personal stuff, okay? This is totally exciting!!” Dawn giggled as she took the tape and rushed to the living room where their stereo was.

Buffy followed her as an automaton, taking the note with her but not daring to open it. Finally when she saw that Dawn was turning the stereo on, she found the strength to open the note and read it. She couldn't bear another shock, so she’d better be aware of what was on that tape before she actually heard it.

She was just beginning to read when Dawn pushed play.

If you have the song, start playing it now
and read the lyrics along with the song

///So is it goodbye?
Is it time to set you free?
Is it time to let it fly?
Is it time to let it bleed?\\

//We used to take turns
To cover up the pain
Deep below it burns
And the feeling still remains\\

//You're gonna find someone new
I really hope you do
'Cause I love you
And the sun will come on through
It's gonna shine for you
'Cause I adore you\\

//Yes we gave it a try
But maybe for too long
Out of every sorrow
Another day will dawn\\

//You're gonna find someone new
I really hope you do
'Cause I love you
And the sun will come on through
It's gonna shine for you
'Cause I adore you\\

//And the road travels on
But I'm still near you
In my life, like a song
I will still hear you
Still\\

//You're gonna find someone new
I really hope you do
'Cause I love you\\

//You're gonna find someone new
I really hope you do
'Cause I love you
And the sun will come on through
It's gonna shine for you
'Cause I adore you\\

//Sun will shine for you
Sun will shine for you
'Cause I adore you\\

Buffy was sitting now, unmoving. She didn’t know if she wanted Dawn to leave or if she wanted to take the girl in her arms and hug her tight. She didn’t understand the tears that burned her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry. The crying was done. Angel had left her years ago. But this song moved her in a way she couldn't explain. She just sat and let the tape play, the song filling the air with an unexplainable emotion and sorrow.

Dawn wasn’t talking anymore. She could tell how much her sister was affected by this, and she was too, now. They would probably never know what Angel had meant when he had sent this tape. Dawn knew Buffy wouldn’t ask – she never asked anything like this. They would probably never know what were his feelings exactly, or anything like that, but they could sit together and just listen.

Dawn sat down beside her sister, slowly. She wanted so much to hug her, to tell her something, to tell her to cry if she wanted to, but she didn’t. She sat in silence and didn’t disturb her sister, the nostalgic and beautiful melody echoing in her head. Slowly, she moved her head to see the note that Buffy still held open in her hands.

“We keep losing people, but I mean everything in this song.
Sometimes I just wish I were someone new.
Angel.”